There, on her right foot, the muddy spot from where she tripped on a stone. Her socks were lightly dusted from the three mile hike. He paused, watching each minute twitch of her calf muscles as they stabilized her on the precarious pile of rocks. Her hat was slipping.
Carefully focusing, he could see the outline of the tank-top she wore under the linen shirt. Her hair floated lightly behind her, blown like little white tufts of cotton on the summer breeze.
Her finger squeezed, the camera clicked, and she fell. The remaining echo from the shot skittered down the canyon walls.
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1 comment:
Okay. Okay. Here's the thing. I'm not sure if this is, like, a study of a certain kind of writing. If it is, this comment might just be evidence of "Aha! I got it right!", but you confuse me. I think I tend to not do so well with very short bits of fiction, because it doesn't give me any background to start forming my assumptions off of. Therefore, I just end up confused if things aren't crystal clear. Like if there are various words used in important positions that have multiple meanings. A sniper picking off some random photographer? Why? Is the echoing 'shot' the clicking camera or the report of a rifle? Again, I may just be an uncultured swine and not fit to read such advanced fiction, but I'm just left scratching my head when answers aren't readily available :) No specific criticism of your work in particular (I like it, otherwise), just in general about things not easily understood, like this. It's certainly very visual, otherwise :)
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